finding the new play

i recently started the new play, which i am tentatively calling the golden vanity.  it’s amazing to me how scary beginning a new project is.  i started off on an enthusiastic vibe and this morning i awoke terrified that i have no idea what i am doing that this play will be a giant disaster and people will laugh at me.   i am now blocked of course.

the play reminds me of the silent concerto in a way because it’s contemporary and close to my “real” life.  i worry because i don’t do this sort of “real” stuff very well.  i do tragic singers, vampires, hustlers, and dead mothers beautifully.  people dealing with their own little emotional dramas seems to not work for me so well.  probably because i understand ideas before i understand people.  i sometimes feel like i’m from another planet because (typical aquarian that i am) i just march in squiggly lines while everyone marches in a straight line.  when everyone decides to go squiggly, my line gets straight.  perhaps i enjoy sticking out and being a little different, but when i am compelled to write a chamber piece about four people struggling with their respective emotional issues, my inability to understand basic human psychology rears its ugly head.  i mean, who writes a play set on fire island inspired by strauss’s four last songs and ariadne auf naxos?  i actually have a character who walks around listening to strauss on his ipod on fire island.  fire island is about lady gaga remixes not strauss.  who’s going to see this play?  who?

i’m trying to respect that this is part of my process.  two years ago, when i was beginning work on the october crisis (and i don’t have to remind you how hard that one was to start, i was coming off a bad case of writer’s block then), the play wasn’t anywhere near the play it became.  i just have to be gentle and patient with myself.

besides, i think i learned something from the silent concerto and its flaws have helped me become a better writer.

~ by Alejandro Morales on July 6, 2009.